Farewell to my 20s

I woke up this morning

To a bathroom full of balloons

The mirror covered with words

The living room dancing with streamers

I wandered through my hurt

A salty tear

Rolled down my cheek

I gasped in to take

New breath

I paced, I paused

Full of gratitude

Yet broken, as well

I confess

My 20s are behind me

They were dark

And they were light

They were flawed

They were full

They were something

They are gone

What’s not gone

However

Are the lessons

I’ve learned

The takeaways

I kept

The hugs

That linger on

I traveled across

The country

Las Vegas, LA, New York

I ventured beyond

The borders

Canada, Mexico, my heart

I worked

A number of jobs

That’s really too high

To count

I found

Myself in hiding

I found

Myself out loud

More than all the jobs

And places that I’ve seen

Rests a sense of peacefulness

I rarely ever glean

I was an alcoholic

I was divorced

I was a wife

I became an aunt

You see

I missed

A lot of life

What stays

Beyond this notion

Of

Fear

Self-hatred

Regret

Is love

That lasts forever

A love

I can’t forget

What stays

Is not feelings

Or faces

What stays

Is forgiveness

And grace

What stays

I don’t have to hold onto

What stays

Is still coming

Into place

I’m here

Right now

With courage

To face

The great unknown

I’m here

Right now

I’m smiling

I cry

I break, I rebound

My 20s were not easy

I failed to love myself

I failed

I sought perfection

I succeeded

In what was found

A love that lasts forever

A love that never fades

A love I have now

For myself

A love that others

Freely gave

I wouldn’t be here

Without my friends

My family

My exes

My cats

I wouldn’t be here

Without my god

Which words

Can hardly

Expound

I’m here right now

I’m alive somehow

I’m 30

I’m young

I’m grown

I’ll hold onto this feeling

Where I’m ready to release

What I’ve known

My biggest intention

Is bravery

To step forward

When I cannot see

The plans the universe

Has for me

The divinity in you

And in we

I’m not defined by money

I’m not defined by work

I’m not defined by memories

My ups and downs

Have worth

In the end

It’s just the beginning

In the beginning

It’s also the end

The end of the moments behind me

The opportunity for rebirth

I made a little list

Of silly words I learned:

Corn maze

Marriage

Rehab

Divorce

No stones unturned

Bridesmaid

Graduate

Daughter

Escapist

Settler

Bride

Friend

My own worst enemy

Lost confidence

Ego

Pride

This time on earth

Is dark and light

It’s both

It’s not about me

My path as a human

Surprises me

And with that

I choose to proceed

My 30s are just a number

But this day begins anew

I have another chance today

To fight, to seek my truth

This day is given to all of us

We have another go

This day is all we have

Right now

Let’s choose

To love, to be, to grow

4/24/2020